Three weeks in the past, I left my condominium to an uncommon sight: My brilliant blue BMW, normally sitting so proudly on the curb in entrance of my condominium, had been changed with a street-parked SUV. The bike wasn’t forward of the automotive, nor behind it. It wasn’t on its facet someplace, it wasn’t on the nook, and a fast look on the AirTag hidden underneath its seat confirmed me it was, actually on its approach to Queens.
Shit. Somebody stole my motorbike. I used to be planning to do away with it, positive, however not like this. Not like this. It was alleged to go to somebody who’d look after it, who’d adore its rigidly German do-everything practicality, who’d give it the huge open highways and verdant rolling hills that it deserv — wait, insurance coverage is providing how a lot in comparison with my asking worth? That recontextualizes this. This isn’t so unhealthy, really.
The GS — named Sophie, after Cell Go well with Gundam: The Witch from Mercury’s Sophie Pulone — disappeared on avenue cleansing day, which kicked off an entire journey of making an attempt to find out whether or not the New York Metropolis Division of Sanitation had towed it. This meant checking the sanitation web site, calling the native NYPD precinct, checking the positioning once more, calling 911, being advised to name 311, being advised to attend a pair hours and name 911 once more, checking the sanitation web site once more, and ultimately coping with 4 esteemed officers of our high quality and intensely fairly funded police division.
4 cops confirmed up, requested basic questions, and referred to as the Division of Sanitation. They have been advised that Sanitation hadn’t towed something, and in reality doesn’t tow plated autos, and wouldn’t even be open to examine till Monday. The cops then advised me to name Sanitation the next day — Saturday, well-known for not being Monday — to examine whether or not it had been towed. The factor Sanitation mentioned they didn’t and wouldn’t do. The cops then proceeded to do completely zero paperwork, so I needed to do the entire dance once more the following day. New York’s most interesting.
After that entire debacle, although, issues improved. In truth, they felt like they have been going too effectively — isn’t insurance coverage alleged to be troublesome? Isn’t insurance coverage alleged to low ball you? Isn’t it alleged to be a drag to get something out of them, a course of so infuriating that you simply ultimately quit they usually get to maintain your cash?
My GS had been listed on Fb for months earlier than this theft, sitting idly whereas chilly climate cooled the motorbike market. I’d been asking $7,000 there, and I hadn’t even gotten lowballers or tire kickers — only a two commerce gives and a single “how low are you able to go” that by no means even made a suggestion. Fb Market is normally a wretched hive of scum and villainy, the place any sale is preceded by months of bad-faith negotiations, however I wasn’t even getting that. For me, it was desolate.
Insurance coverage, against this, was easy. Positive, I needed to haul myself out to The Center Of Goddamn Nowhere, Lengthy Island to truly get a examine, however that was the final step in what was in the end a quite simple course of — a course of worthwhile sufficient to justify shopping for my new-to-me Suzuki GSX-8R as a alternative for the GS. Additionally a canopy for the Suzuki, in hopes of stopping historical past from repeating itself.
I’m not going to go recommending that individuals get their bikes stolen as an alternative of promoting them, however I’m shocked at how effectively it labored out for me. Fb Market is hell on Earth, and one way or the other even coping with the insurance coverage trade is an enchancment over the common Market tire kicker. I’m as shocked as you’re — a little bit bit, however not solely.